Happy

Although I had just quit my miserable job the day prior and accepted an offer at a new company, I awoke on Saturday morning feeling distinctly unhappy.

My children had risen quite early thanks to the sun artificially signaling morning time; a nuisance soon to be wiped out by daylight savings time.

A similar pattern of negotiations inevitably follow.

Them: "Its morning time, daddy!"

Me: "Ugh. Look at the clock, its too early, go back to bed for a little bit more!"

Them: "But the sun is up, daddy!"

Me: "But the current "time / daylight" gap is just a product of an archaic and arbitrary human made system to designed ostensibly to save energy and help school children which instead just leads to mass confusion and more waste."

Them: "Your slavish adherence to numbers on a machine to dictate your actions is robbing you of the opportunity to bond with us while we are still young and willing to hang out with you."

I relent, and my 6 year old son and 2 year old daughter crawl into my Sleepnumber bed for some serious cuddling.

Holding my boy, comfortably ensconced in footy pajamas, in one arm and my daughter in the other as she gently stokes my face, unblinkingly peering into my eyes, brightens my mood considerably.

Nevertheless, a certain melancholy had descended upon me. It was the hangover of an exhaustive past few weeks; the rigors of my soon to be terminated current position, navigating multiple new opportunities and interviews, the final negotiations. This stress cocktail was capped off with the resignation call to my now ex-boss Friday evening.

What was I to do? I decided I needed two things badly: a drink and a nap and not necessarily in that order.

I ended up taking two short siestas that day. I also thoroughly cleaned my apartment (yes, in the nude) and fixed the sunglasses of my Love (while clothed, in case you were wondering).

This last task involved me finding a repair kit I had received years ago (one of the benefits of my obsessive nature, I found the thing in no time!). Concentrating on that little screw clutched delicately in my bulbous fleshly fingertips while the tiny tool twisted ever so slightly, turning into the hinge, I felt useful and focussed. I was able to block out the rest of the world, fully turning my attention to this micro task, willing my hands to act skillfully without shaking.

Speaking of shakes, I really needed that drink!

My Love and I met up with Sarah (fellow blogger) and Matt at their lovely home to tip a few cold ones and share some laughs. My mood immediately brightened and I found myself happily enjoying the company of my friends.

My friend Joel had called me that afternoon to invite us to see his buddy's band play at a local establishment. He told me his friend is a keyboardist and the band plays 80's music.

My Love and I were intrigued, but so prepared to hate it. We gleefully pictured the cheesy bar scene complete with this dude banging away on a synthesizer wearing like a sweatband on his forehead or something.

Well, we were wrong.

After parking in the Jewel (local grocery store) lot across the busy street since the club's lot was jam packed, we held our breath and slipped past the crowds of smokers gathered in the entryway. Since our state went totally smoke free, these exiled patrons pathetically shiver in the freezing cold, banished to slowly kill themselves in the outdoors and try to keep up their cool facades while shivering in tight packs.

It actually took some time to dissipate the stench of smoke from this brief envelopment, and it made me happy I wouldn't be waking up the next morning with a second hand stink.

The joint was called "Double Vision". We were so prepared to hate this filthy meat market, but actually enjoyed the place thoroughly. It was huge, like a high school gymnasium only darker with a full service bar. The patrons were also slightly older.

The bathrooms were excellent, very clean with nice new tile. The only downside was the bathroom attendants on duty. Dude, I can crank out my own paper towel, thanks. I did take pity on one of the guys, I guess he was an ex-security guard down on his luck by the look of him. For a $1 tip, though, I expect to be at least "shaken off" (and I mean that in a hygienic manner only).

My Love and I paid the $10 a person cover and got hand stamped to enter the "band room" and there was my buddy Joel dancing in the front.

He was joined by two young ladies wearing matching self-made Michael Jackson T-shirts with the word "Shamon" printed in shiny silver letters. Their glow-in-the-dark bracelets completed the package. Bubbly girls, and quite nice. Lonely, clearly, but fun nonetheless.

We all stood in front of the huge speakers and shouted at each other at the top of our blissfully smoke free lungs. Throughout the whole evening I probably understood a total of two sentences of conversation, so I stuck to smiling and nodding.

Drinks were purchased and I saw Joel bring one to his buddy perched on the corner of the stage banging away at the synth.

I had to take him aside and advise him that delivering rum and cokes garnished with two bright red cherries to a male band member might significantly reduce his chances of scoring with the ladies.

Speaking of scoring, there was a young couple who follow this band around right in the front totally making out for the entire show. She had this bad yellow shirt on clinging to her young over-tanned body. I couldn't help seeing her ten years from now, and it was pretty. Anyway, her guy didn't seem to mind the way she was dressed or treating her skin, he had he hands fully roaming along with his tongue as they dry humped their way through Duran Duran. Hungry like the wolf, indeed.

That being said, the crowd was actually pretty cool and this place wasn't the meat market I had expected. Nobody approached up to buy us drinks, and when people walked by they didn't give you that knowing glance or piercing stare I associate with people on the make. There was this one guy, obviously drinking too much and fighting with his date who hadn't yet figured out her life would be much better if only she could stop dating assholes like him. He was wearing a polo shirt with a long sleeved white undershirt for warmth. I guess he thought the short sleeve striped top was so hot he couldn't wait until spring and had to bust it out for Double Vision. He kept trying to balance his beer glass on his head while dancing, I guess that was his "special power". I actually had the impulse to punch him in the face, but then I reminded myself that I am a metrosexual engineer and not some macho ruffian.

Back to my group, we continued screaming at each other, laughing and drinking while rocking out to the seriously excellent band. This band took all the one hit wonders and cheesy 80's songs and actually made them song good. Joel's friend actually quit his corporate job (selling high tech.... just like me) and does this full time as well as serving on the board of a charity that oversees education for children in Zambia.

So, it turns out this guy seems to have it all figured out, he lives downtown Chicago, has fun playing in the band, has a higher purpose. No wonder he seems happy.

Last call was announced and the lights came on and the cockroaches scattered. We said good-bye to Joel, I admonished him not to wake up the next morning in the back of his green mini-van also parked by Jewel as a "Shamon sandwich" wearing a now fading glow ring around his genitalia.

Finding my car still in the parking lot, untowed and untouched, at 3AM hand in hand with my Love I realized that I was happy.

Although I have been termed an Optimist by some, I consider myself more of a Positive Realist. By which I mean I embrace the reality of the situation but always think things will turn out for the best in the long run.

I used to think my goal in life was to be Happy, but now that I am happy, I realize it is not a steady state.

I love reading the latest physics research on the building blocks of matter. We are starting to realize that instead of collection of hard bits and pieces, all our flesh and bone boils down to quantum states, probabilities and vibrations.

And by vibrations I mean frequency, sinusoidal waveforms, ebb and flow, Yin and Yang, penis and vagina.

We aren't meant to stay in one state, always happy or always sad.

I look at it now as having a relatively stable & content foundation from which I can swing into happiness as well as melancholy. I want to be able to fully experience and enjoy the adventures in life but also embrace painful expansion and growth. Laugh to enjoy and cry to understand. Riding the highs and relishing the lows. Keeping grounded to avoid flights of fancy or pits of despair.

Staying in any one state too long, whether it is ecstasy or malaise, robs you of your vibrating humanity and starts your decay.

Ride the wave, baby.